How to Know the Truth?

by Dawl
(Gandhinagar, Gujarat, India)

Hello, my name is Doll and I am from India. About one and a half year ago, I met this guy on Facebook. We both live in different cities. We became friends in a while and slowly I discovered that I have developed intense feelings for him.

The fact that I hadn't ever saw his photo and still falling for him was quiet strange to me at first, but I was like, "What the heck, love is an inner feeling it shouldn’t be based on his looks”. Now the problem that faced me was how am I supposed to let him know about my feelings.

After thinking over it a lot one final day i.e. 12th July 2012 I proposed him. Being a girl it takes a whole lot of more courage to propose a guy but then I can easily risk anything to let him know about my feelings.

He reacted on my proposal by asking me that have I lost my mind, as I don’t even knew his real name at that time. I admitted that I know nothing personal about him, but then do all these things matter when you’re in love with someone?

He said that I am acting crazy and that we should continue to be friends. It was a clear rejection to my proposal. I accepted it, but deep inside I was shattered to the core. It was the first time in my life after summing up so much courage that I proposed a guy and he declined it so easily.

Some time passed, I saw his photographs, got to know about his real name, his family, his work and he got to know mine. On asking him the reason why he rejected my proposal, he said that he can’t be in any relation, as he is still not over his ex and that she will be the only girl that will remain his love forever.

On my further inquiry about his past, I became aware of his story. He had a 7 year long relationship with a girl from his city, but then this girl dumped him for some other guy. Now, after knowing this I decided within myself that my primary goal is to make him get over his ex.

As it happens in every standard one sided love, I was the one to initiate conversations and he was the one who would give one word replies. Now while this there were a lot of times when his online friends started acting selfish and would only seek to talk to him in case they needed any help or advice.

But, this helped him a lot in realizing that I was the only person in his ID who never asked for any help and the one who doesn’t talk with him only when she needs him. This made our friendship stronger.

He used to say that all these feelings that I have for him will soon fade away because he is not responding aptly to them and all the while I used to say that I am ready to wait for him. One year passed and it was again 12th July, he didn’t remember about it but I told him that it has been a year since I am waiting for you.

All he said at that time was that he feels very sorry for me. He said that he will never marry anyone and he cannot love anyone. Meanwhile, he told me that he had a total of 7-8 girlfriends in the past, all of them were dead serious for this guy but he was just goofing around with them and that his last ex was the only girl he was serious for and then she dumped him.

One important thing that whenever I used to ask him about my proposal he used to say to have adult talk with him, as love is nothing, but merely physical attraction. I used to back off every time he asked to have that kind of talk, as for me these talks are meant to be done with solely one person in your life i.e. your soul mate.

Few months back, there was this night when I thought maybe if I let him get intimate with me then he might start loving me. So that night we exchanged some private pics with each other. After that day, he came quiet closer to me.

We started talking with each other round the clock. From the beginning till now, every single day I have been the only person to initiate the conversation with him. I am the one who asks about him, his interests, and his on goings.

He rarely asks me about mine. Sometimes, when he is in good mood he treats me in such a way that everyone starts saying that he loves me, but then sometimes he turns away and stops replying me all of sudden with no valid reason.

Sometimes, he says that he wants to get physically intimate with me before marriage while sometimes he says that we will never get intimate physically before marriage while sometimes he says that he has no intentions on being physically intimate with me.

Whenever I ask him about relationship he says that he spends his entire time talking with me and he is providing me everything a girl needs in a relationship from a guy then why do I want to have relationship with him.

I want commitment and he says that it’s not necessary for me. On some occasions, he talks about our marriage himself without my initiation, while sometimes if I initiate the marriage topic, he simply says that he is not going to marry me.

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